Recently, I was chose to utilize the free counseling that my college campus has available for all students. My current job working in Domestic Violence Prevention at the Y had begun taking a toll on me mentally, and felt I had nothing to lose.
Being a counseling student myself, I felt a little apprehensive. “Why do I need this?” I felt like asking myself, stepping away and looking in. “Why don’t I just counsel myself? I’ve spent enough money on my degree to be able to help others.” However, I feel it’s good to have a second opinion. I mean, crazy is only a word, right?
So, I went in for my assessment.
The counselor I saw took notes on my problems, my concerns and why I was there. There was something odd about her reaction. “I think you should quit your job.”
Huh?
“Obviously, this job is causing you more anxiety than you want, so I suggest not even finishing the six months and find something that is less distressing.” I understood what she said, but my mind was not agreeing. While I have gone through various trauma and this was sparking some vicariously, which happens when you go through abuse at any age – let alone as a teenager.
But quitting? Not an option. There are many reasons beyond my own knee-jerk reaction of doing the opposite someone is telling me to do.
-->This project is one close to my heart and the heart of others. It could save lives and reduce the amount of the abuse occurring in the county.
-->Quitting only a month in would look extremely bad on me.
-->I do need to pay my bills - like any graduate student, student loans and car insurance don’t pay themselves.
And finally,
-->I cannot see what running away from my problems has to do with helping me.
As someone who is training in counseling as well as been treated in the mental health system – I somewhat agree with some seemingly controversial statement by a certain actor. We’ll call him Tom of America.
The idea of his statement is that we use medication instead of addressing the real problem, a cover-up quick-fix of sorts. I don’t completely agree with that statement. I’ve seen the good things that medication can do for people who are suffering from a mental disorder, bringing some back from the verge of suicide or homicide so that they can function and live a relatively normal life. Medication can also be bad. Side effects from the wrong combination of medication can bring a zombie-like state, insomnia, hypersomnia, or any other various annoyances. However, it is different for everyone.
Some forms of “talk therapy” include working only on solutions on what are ultimately short-term problems. This includes just learning a coping skill for when mother is drunk or when Dad calls you names, or when your partner cheats on you. This may not address the root of the problem (i.e. alcoholism and abuse in the family, insufficient support systems), but in the American health care system where if you have mental health coverage, you may only be able to receive about 6 out-patient individual sessions. So, your mental health provider needs to work fast.
With these facts in mind, I still cannot believe that she suggested I turn away from my job.
“And since you’re specializing in eating disorders, you do know that there is a high incidence of abuse in patient histories?”
Well, yea...what? Should I give up my passion because I'm working on my own issues?
This went on for a while, with discussions of my upbringing and my family that wasn’t exactly the Brady Bunch.
Because the counseling center is mostly closed during the summer, she gave me a reference to a colleague who works with EMDR. EMDR is short for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of psychotherapy that centers around information processing that is connected to unresolved and disturbing traumas. The theory behind it is like this: the therapy works by processing disturbing memories. Symptoms are caused by traumas and events that are not processed very well and are dumped when the memories are processed. It uses bilateral stimulation of the brain – using eye movements, sounds from two directions or feeling two difference textures. EMDR utilizes dual attention awareness to allow the individual to have a balance between the traumatic material and the safety of the present moment.
I had heard the term from my peers, who had excitement in their eyes as they spoke of it, but since all three of them were trying to figure out who would be the lucky person to talk to our internship site’s resident expert – I sat out.
Now, that description may seem like a bunch of confusing phrases for a magical process. It is still considered experimental, but has been proven to be one of the most effective forms of therapy for people who have PTSD.
And I am doing to try it. The place she referred me to offers sliding scale and the therapist that conducts the therapy said he would contact me before the end of the week to schedule an appointment. While I am pursuing this for personal reasons, I feel this may be a new therapy to pursue for my own practice. While it seems almost too good to be true – I want to make sure that I understand the scope of the procedure and how it works.
If it does, then maybe I won’t feel so horrible for shelling out $1400 for training and certification.
If it doesn’t, then at least I will be able to tell others why.
And I will keep you posted!
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