Gloria the Shrink

Going crazy, going to work

2010-07-26T15:33:00.001-07:00

Admittedly, I have been very bad about updating this thing. But it’s not really all me.

The field of mental health is not immune to the downturn in the economy. For the past year, I have been searching for employment after graduation with only mild success, keeping in mind the extra hours put in, networking, and taking all the advice that experts give on finding a job when there are no jobs to be found. However, I’ve noticed the problem I am having isn’t quite that there are no jobs – there aren’t enough.

My chosen field is one that expands in time of turmoil and difficulty. However, at the same time, money can be hard to come by, and private practices can shut down as well as donations given to non-profits can make the job market hard for the unlicensed and somewhat inexperienced. Cue the old adage of the vicious cycle of not being able to get experience if you don’t have experience.

As I mentioned, I have only had some mild success. I was employed for a short time at a local agency in a job that required my advanced degree, but for the most part did not allow me to use it. What the job boiled down to was being a glorified call center and data entry person. While the agency itself was not a horrible place to work and the pay was very good for the amount of work, I felt quite stifled and with my history of overworking – unchallenged. So, I ultimately had to say goodbye to the job, mutually between my employer and I.

In the meantime, I have been working on my more long-term goal of getting my foot into Health Psychology and working with cancer patients in the long term. Currently, I volunteer in hospice working with two patients with Alzheimer’s. Often, the people around me – both personally and professionally – applaud my volunteer work, and follow up their admiration with claims of how it must be difficult. For me though, it is not.

Since my last birthday, where I became 25, the quarter-life point where some type of crisis occurs – I have taken this new found foray into life as a chance to expand my mind with the study of Buddhism and taking time to enjoy life. Part of this has been learning that death is a natural consequence of life. As a volunteer, even if my patients forget who I am every few minutes, I know that it helps to have someone there. Their smiles have helped me more than anyone can ever know.

Personally, things have been hard on me being mostly jobless. Keeping in mind that I have been working many skilled positions while going through school since I was 15 years old, suddenly having very little to do while having the direction and determination to do something can be heartbreaking. But I am not the only one.

I keep in touch with several of my fellow graduates and have found many of them needed to leave the Portland, OR area in order to find work.

Keeping positive is one of the toughest parts of looking for work right now. Some weeks, I run out of steam, and only half-heartedly look for work, with doubt and sadness waiting for me. But this is not one of those weeks.

Recently, a good friend of mine told me that I should try to make each day the best day ever. However, that is not good enough.

Being somewhat of a geek, my motto with most of my life used to be “There is no try – only DO or DO NOT”, adapted from the Star Wars trilogy. Now is the time to revive that motto, that philosophy and make every day count.

So, this is a call to arms for all of you out there – the professionals, the non-professionals, the ones who want to give up: DON’T GIVE UP. When life gets tough, you call it’s bluff.

Thank you for reading. Live long and prosper!

RELATED LINKS:

The Science Behind a Bad Day and How to Solve It

The Problem with Oz; or Why Dorothy Can Never Go Home Again

2010-02-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

Recently I watched Gabe Rodriguez’s documentary on the cult movie “Return to Oz”, the 1985 “sequel” to the Wizard of Oz franchise. The movie starred Fairuza Balk (The Craft, American History X) as 8 year old Dorothy who, after returning from Oz, suffers from insomnia and depressive symptoms. In an attempt to make her better, Auntie Em takes Dorothy to a psychiatrist (who turns out to be a quack by today’s standards, but probably notable by the setting’s standards ) for electro-shock therapy. Dorothy ends up in Oz after escaping the doctor, with her chicken Belina. Together with Jack Pumpkinhead, TikTok the robot guard and the gump (a moose-like creature missing his body), they save her old friends and Oz from the Gnome King and Mombi the witch.

I feel fortunate enough to have grown up on this version of Oz as well as the well-known 1939 MGM version starring Judy Garland. While I enjoyed both versions, this darker version is the version I look most fondly at in my childhood. The documentary by Rodriguez helped me to feel better about my preference, but made me feel sad that the movie itself is not looked at as a classic by others, except as cult film.

One of the biggest reasons I believe it do not do well was because too many people try to compare it to the Judy Garland 1939 version.

1.) The 1939 version was happy, whereas Return to Oz was quite the opposite. However, I think the duality of the two movies should make them perfect companion pieces. First of all, Return to Oz re-introduced us to Dorothy as a girl longing for Oz. When you think about the end of the 1939 movie, Dorothy is excited to be home in Kansas with her family. However, between the settings of the two films, it is very accurate that she would miss the magical world of talking scarecrows and cities made of jewels. In Oz, she was a hero and treated as special. In Kansas, she’s just Dorothy Gale, farm girl #482. I like to compare this with what I dub the “Doctor Who Syndrome”.

In the SciFi Show, Doctor Who, the Doctor is a time traveler whom goes on adventures through time and space. He often has companions from Earth, who share in his adventures. In the new series, the Doctor meets up with an old companion (Sarah Jane, who traveled with his previous incarnations in the 1980s) in the 2000s. She explains to him that she never married because there would never be anyone like him. She also expressed anger towards him as adjusting to a normal life when you spent years traveling beyond human imagination is a difficult feat.

In thinking about what Dorothy’s life was like after her adventures in Oz before, it’s very possible that after the happiness of being home subsided she began to miss the adventure that living on a Kansas farm cannot afford young women.

2.) No song and dance numbers. This kind of goes back to #1. But when you’re in a depressive state, the sun doesn’t seem to shine as brightly, music doesn’t always seems so cheerful and your voice seems lost in the harsh air that surrounds you. I can’t see song and dance in a place where the Emerald City is devoid of their namesake, where the people who made it so happy are gone or have turned to stone.

This is related to the cinematography in the 1939 film where when Dorothy lands in Oz, the picture goes from the more normal and mundane black-and-white to technicolor. While they don't repeat this in 'Return', you could argue that since being in Oz, Dorothy sees everything in color though it is not as bright and cheery as technicolor.

3.) There's no real happy ending, because it never time never ends. One of the appeals of this movie to me is the fact that Oz lives on after Dorothy leaves. It doesn't stop existing or is frozen in time, which is how things are in reality. Like in the Chronicles of Narnia books, after the four children who were the Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve leaves, the world doesn't end. It lives on for thousands of years without them.

Sometimes, it seems people want the world revolve around the hero. The world stops for them, they are forever seen as a sort of deity for the world's inhabitants and if the hero comes back, things will always be the same. Even in fiction, this isn't true. Even if the hero is supernatural, "The One", or any variant on human/mythological creature - one can be a metaphorical or literal "God". It may stem from the idea that we want to be immortal, that we want to be remembered long after we are gone over somebody else. The idea that we are special. While I am not saying we are not special, it doesn't mean the world revolves around us.

4.) Return to Oz is not necessarily a child-friendly movie. Between the Wheelers (men whose feet and hands are wheels), Mombi (who keeps a collection of heads that she switches off on using, and comments that Dorothy's head would be wonderful in a few years), and the Gnome King - children can be easily frightened since the villains are more than just green face make-up and a pointy hat. At the same time, children don't necessarily enjoy movies that are dark. This isn't a flaw or a negative aspect of being a child, but children may not understand why the darkness of the movie makes it enjoyable. An example of something that can be construed as being as being for kids that kids may not necessarily be something they would enjoy is Jim Henson's short-lived "The Storyteller" series.

In this series, European fairy tales (particularly ones that were either obscure or Disney-fied in Western culture), and for four episodes - Greek myths, were told using a mix of puppets and live-action actors. Like "Oz", there were no song and dance and often the unhappy or cynical endings were kept. Other examples of media that are mistaken for being for kids, but are not can be found on the website "TvTropes", under the tag "What Do You Mean It's Not For Kids?"

Return to Oz, I would say is one of my favorite childhood movies. It has heart, soul and a vision not often found in fantasy movies. And for that alone, I feel should be given a second chance at life - beyond cult status.

Related Links

Back again, and more to do - to simply get this message through.

2009-12-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

While I'm not sure if anybody reads this more, I will be trying to add more to this blog, and update more often.

So, you may ask - what has been happening since you last updated?

I graduated with my Master's in Counseling Psychology

I have gotten some sleep

I am still looking for that one job

I have taken up acoustic guitar and excelled at cooking

We'll see if I can get anything going today. My day has been revamping my style, updating and re-establishing my network.

If you are there - leave me a message and let me know you're there!

Your new Public Service Announcement

2009-08-25T12:17:00.001-07:00

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bull, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her. If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her. If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her. If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her. If a woman is jogging in a park at 5AM, don't rape her. If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her. If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her. If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her. If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her. If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her. If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her. If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her. If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.

If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her. If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend. If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police. If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape. Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x, y, or z. Don't imply that it's in any way her fault. Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl. Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can too help yourself. Rape is not about sex, it's about control and power, and what kind of power comes from taking advantage of others? No power anyone should ever desire.

If you agree, repost it. It's important.

(Gloria's note: the same goes in reverse - don't forget about women-on-men rape)

World AIDS Day 2008

2008-11-30T23:32:00.001-08:00

“AIDS was first reported in the

United States

in 1981 and has since become a major worldwide epidemic. AIDS is caused by the human immunodeficiency virus, or HIV. By killing or damaging cells of the body's immune system, HIV progressively destroys the body's ability to fight infections and certain cancers. People diagnosed with AIDS may get life-threatening diseases called opportunistic infections. These infections are caused by microbes such as viruses or bacteria that usually do not make healthy people sick.

Since 1981, more than 980,000 cases of AIDS have been reported in the United States to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). According to CDC, more than 1,000,000 Americans may be infected with HIV, one-quarter of whom are unaware of their infection. The epidemic is growing most rapidly among minority populations and is a leading killer of African-American males ages 25 to 44. According, AIDS affects nearly seven times more African Americans and three times more Hispanics than whites. In recent years, an increasing number of African-American women and children are being affected by HIV/AIDS.” From the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (http://www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/hivinf.htm)

Since 1981:

· 2.9 million people lost their lives in 2006 from AIDS.

· 4.3 million people were newly infected with HIV in 2006.

· 39.5 million people around the world are living with AIDS/HIV in 2006.

· Approximately 11 of every 1,000 adults (ages 15 to 49) are HIV infected.

· 25 million children will be orphans by 2010 because of AIDS

· Over 25 million people have died since the first AIDS case was identified in 1981.From AidsFactSheet.com

Ryan White would be 37.

Freddie Mercury would be 61.

Pedro Zamora would be 36.

Eliana Martínez would be 27.

AIDS does not discriminate. Young, old, gay, straight, trans, cis, Hispanic, Caucasian, Black, purple and blue. This needs to end. What are you doing to stop AIDS in 2008 and 2009?

I'm gonna need my own zip code

2008-07-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

On one of the many blogs I read (Gawker), they recently had an article about the newest people to be offended by the movie "Wall-E".

Below is the letter that they posted summing up the feelings of said group:

All I can think of is how would you look at me? How would you look at someone’s sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, fathers and brothers—are they funny? Are they less human or dirty or stupid? You had years to create the Axiom—didn’t you see any shape of a person that could be recognized or loved?
I was at Columbus GLBTQ Pride today and I saw people of all shapes and sizes laughing and being in love.
Are they worthless too? Are they dirty and stupid and responsible for ruining the planet? Does their shape make them inherently bad?

What they are talking about is the portrayal in the film where 700 years in the future, humans are fat. Caused by getting literally no physical activity (every one is on hover chairs 24 hours a day), drinking all food in liquid form and doing nothing but gossiping, getting hairdos, etc. If one person falls out of the hover chair, robots come by to put the person back there. The world is run by a retail corporation ("Buy'N'Large") that runs all almost aspect of society. Many people are interpreting this as "oh, so all fat people are lazy, huh?" Over a course of 700 years, without physical activity and with nothing but liquid processed food, people will get fat. Bone density will reduce greatly and body composition will change. The idea however is not that all fat people are lazy slobs, but perhaps more of a warning tht we should start taking care of ourselves better.

I'm not sure that the writer of the complain letter really get the point of the movie, or even that aspect of the movie. Now, I am all about being "fat positive". Perhaps the better phrase is the thinking of health at every size.

That does not mean that being fat is bad. It does mean if you're not taking care of yourself, you need to start. For instance, in the article, the writer brings up a scenario I've seen several times myself:

"They're shaking their heads at the people who pull up to the drive thru in their SUVs and buy six Gordita Supremes and scarf them down, sitting in their idling car on the side of the road."

Or parents driving their kids a block in their giant SUVs so precious doesn't have to wait in the cold for the school bus, instead, letting them sit inside with the car running. Or responding to teenagers building a wiffleball field on their own by calling the cops and lawyers.

Coming back around to the complaints, let me define what "Health at Every Size" means, at least to me. It means striving to be healthy by eating more vegetables and fruits, less processed foods and spending more time preparing food - and maybe even involving your family (be it your children, your parents, your partner or even your friends) in the process of cooking. It also means spending a little more time pursuing physical activity. By physical activity, I don't necessarily mean (a) buy gym membership (b) spend money on hiring a personal trainer (c) go to said gym five days a week until you are healthy enough to come in first place in a triathlon.

There are other ways to be physically fit. It can be spending 20 minutes each day walking around your block. It can be buying or renting a bicycle and riding through the park. I can even be dancing in your living room for a half hour. These are things you can do alone or with others, at any age, at any size.

Additionally, if you are not a size 8, that does not mean you are unhealthy. There are several people out there who constantly trash their body by eating processed foods, not getting the right nutrients as well as never exercising. Your body's ideal weight is not likely to be the ideal weight listed in Cosmopolitan magazine - a magazine that frequently makes the claim of accepting all body types, but rarely features women who are more than a size 4 or clothes made for people over a size 8 - at most.

By treating your body right, you can eliminate or reduce fatigue, gain flexibility (which can be especially useful as you age), and strengthen muscles through toning them. Concentration can increase as well as positive moods. Every size can be beautiful - looking good and subseqently, feeling good - can make anyone's outlook on life even more lovely.

Related links

Wall-E's Big, Fat, Offensive Problem

Association for Size Diversity and Health

When I grow up, I want to be plastic!

2008-05-07T19:56:00.000-07:00

A new book has been published recently, and has reached a national level of attention. My Beautiful Mommy is a book written by Michael Salzhauer, MD, which introduces children to the idea of their parent (most likely mother) having plastic surgery. The mother in the book is a normal-looking woman seeking a tummy tuck and a nose job, with her young child learning that her mommy is going to be different…”but prettier!”

When I first read about the book in my local newspaper, I thought it might be a fluke that it was published – perhaps even a joke? A book portraying to children that cosmetic surgery is needed to become prettier sounds just as bad as children’s book that are called “Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear" or “Daddy Drinks Because You Cry”.

Why? According to Discovery Health, over 326,00 teens (18 and under) had cosmetic surgery to correct something that made them self conscious in 2004. That same year, the American Association of Plastic Surgeons claimed that about 4,000 of those surgeries were breast augmentations. The rise of receiving this surgery as a sweet 16 or graduation gift is disturbing and not only because of the possible medical complications, according to the FDA. Women’s breasts do not stop growing until they are 22 or 23, which can lead to extreme pain for many years and the large possibility of more surgeries – which is not covered by insurance most of the time.

The reason that almost every recipient of plastic surgery seeks improvement is because they are unsatisfied with their body. I wonder how someone could be unsatisfied body in this day and age – with America’s Next Top Model as one of the top television shows, with fashion magazines barraging the “Women’s Interest” section of a magazine rack and even men are beginning to come under scrutiny for their physical appearance. According to one study by Robinson, TN et al. (2001, Stanford Journal of Pediatrics), of a study of 969 3rd graders in 13 Californian schools, 35% of girls wanted to lose weight and 26% of boys wanted to lose weight due to dissatisfaction of their body. Instead of teaching positive self-esteem, obesity prevention programs have been instigated, even so far as notifying parents that their child is considered obese – without proper measurements of weight (fat percentage, body mass, etc.).

Perhaps it is no wonder that a children’s book about plastic surgery is being published and distributed. Different body types are no longer valued by schools because of their association with obesity. The media still propagates that having a body like Victoria Beckham is ideal, but at the same time chastises it for being too thin. Celebrity blogging sites like Perez Hilton or Livejournal’s “ohnotheydidnt” community often posts pictures of celebrities with some complaint of their looks.

I’m not against all forms of cosmetic surgery, of course. Reconstruction and other types of surgeries to cover up scars or burns can be helpful for someone who never asked to endure a traumatic event. However, there is something to be said about loving the skin you’re in regardless.

In conclusion, we can say that celebrities are fair game, and that we should strive to look our best. On the other hand, our children are seeing what we do to our bodies and our faces. They may hear “You’re beautiful no matter how you look”, but they are seeing “You will never be perfect enough.”

Related Links

The Magic of Photoshop

Cosmetic Surgery Statistics

The Good Body by Eve Ensler

Eye Twitch: Professional Development in a Personal Sense

2008-05-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was chose to utilize the free counseling that my college campus has available for all students. My current job working in Domestic Violence Prevention at the Y had begun taking a toll on me mentally, and felt I had nothing to lose.

Being a counseling student myself, I felt a little apprehensive. “Why do I need this?” I felt like asking myself, stepping away and looking in. “Why don’t I just counsel myself? I’ve spent enough money on my degree to be able to help others.” However, I feel it’s good to have a second opinion. I mean, crazy is only a word, right?

So, I went in for my assessment.

The counselor I saw took notes on my problems, my concerns and why I was there. There was something odd about her reaction. “I think you should quit your job.”

Huh?

“Obviously, this job is causing you more anxiety than you want, so I suggest not even finishing the six months and find something that is less distressing.” I understood what she said, but my mind was not agreeing. While I have gone through various trauma and this was sparking some vicariously, which happens when you go through abuse at any age – let alone as a teenager.

But quitting? Not an option. There are many reasons beyond my own knee-jerk reaction of doing the opposite someone is telling me to do.

-->This project is one close to my heart and the heart of others. It could save lives and reduce the amount of the abuse occurring in the county.

-->Quitting only a month in would look extremely bad on me.

-->I do need to pay my bills - like any graduate student, student loans and car insurance don’t pay themselves.

And finally,

-->I cannot see what running away from my problems has to do with helping me.

As someone who is training in counseling as well as been treated in the mental health system – I somewhat agree with some seemingly controversial statement by a certain actor. We’ll call him Tom of America.

The idea of his statement is that we use medication instead of addressing the real problem, a cover-up quick-fix of sorts. I don’t completely agree with that statement. I’ve seen the good things that medication can do for people who are suffering from a mental disorder, bringing some back from the verge of suicide or homicide so that they can function and live a relatively normal life. Medication can also be bad. Side effects from the wrong combination of medication can bring a zombie-like state, insomnia, hypersomnia, or any other various annoyances. However, it is different for everyone.

Some forms of “talk therapy” include working only on solutions on what are ultimately short-term problems. This includes just learning a coping skill for when mother is drunk or when Dad calls you names, or when your partner cheats on you. This may not address the root of the problem (i.e. alcoholism and abuse in the family, insufficient support systems), but in the American health care system where if you have mental health coverage, you may only be able to receive about 6 out-patient individual sessions. So, your mental health provider needs to work fast.

With these facts in mind, I still cannot believe that she suggested I turn away from my job.

“And since you’re specializing in eating disorders, you do know that there is a high incidence of abuse in patient histories?”

Well, yea...what? Should I give up my passion because I'm working on my own issues?

This went on for a while, with discussions of my upbringing and my family that wasn’t exactly the Brady Bunch.
Because the counseling center is mostly closed during the summer, she gave me a reference to a colleague who works with EMDR. EMDR is short for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of psychotherapy that centers around information processing that is connected to unresolved and disturbing traumas. The theory behind it is like this: the therapy works by processing disturbing memories. Symptoms are caused by traumas and events that are not processed very well and are dumped when the memories are processed. It uses bilateral stimulation of the brain – using eye movements, sounds from two directions or feeling two difference textures. EMDR utilizes dual attention awareness to allow the individual to have a balance between the traumatic material and the safety of the present moment.

I had heard the term from my peers, who had excitement in their eyes as they spoke of it, but since all three of them were trying to figure out who would be the lucky person to talk to our internship site’s resident expert – I sat out.

Now, that description may seem like a bunch of confusing phrases for a magical process. It is still considered experimental, but has been proven to be one of the most effective forms of therapy for people who have PTSD.

And I am doing to try it. The place she referred me to offers sliding scale and the therapist that conducts the therapy said he would contact me before the end of the week to schedule an appointment. While I am pursuing this for personal reasons, I feel this may be a new therapy to pursue for my own practice. While it seems almost too good to be true – I want to make sure that I understand the scope of the procedure and how it works.

If it does, then maybe I won’t feel so horrible for shelling out $1400 for training and certification.

If it doesn’t, then at least I will be able to tell others why.

And I will keep you posted!

Reflection of an illness and a star

2008-02-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

So, I don't usually make posts on my livejournal related to celebrities. It's not really my thing, and I like for my journal to be of more intellectual pursuits if they're not about me.

However, being in my clinical work right now and with the present situation with celebrities coming out more and more with severe mental illnesses, I feel I should say something.

The main person I speak of Britney Spears.

Now, first off - I have never been a huge fan of Ms. Spears. Not at any time. I thought she was lazy in her singing (singing through her nose rather than her diaphragm), amateurish in her dancing (of course, working with Wade Robinson, who was also working with Backstreet Boys and Nsync at the time, moves are bound to be kind of easy) and seemed like a mass-produced image.

Even when she got married and started having kids, I wasn't paying attention to her because she seemed to be doing what people expected her to do.

However, now she really seems to be in need of some serious help (which I hope she is currently getting). Yesterday, I started to read a declaration by her mother.

Even if only 20% of it is true and her mother is really just trying to get money out of her - I feel bad for her. Adderall and the two other drugs (antipsychotics) she apparently was being given, are from what I've been told, are not things you want to put together. And Sam, the paparazzi to whom the restraining order is against, apparently has a violent history with people whom claim that he is extremely manipulative and violent. (Supposedly there are other restraining orders against him)

So, many people say that it's her fault she's in this situation. I can't say the same anymore. People with severe mental illnesses can be taken advantage of - and if you're as isolated as a celebrity is - it is much harder to get help.

My conclusion is...well, I'm not sure what my conclusion is. Perhaps this was written because my clinical experiences have been weighing heavily on me lately.

I won't tell you to "Pray for Britney". I won't tell you to buy her albums in support. I'm not even telling you to listen to her music!

I guess I just want people to become more aware of how hard having a mental illness is. That everyone deserves help. It's hard enough to suffer almost everyday without someone telling you that you brought it on to yourself.

I guess I just want people to understand.

Last Holiday

2007-12-24T14:38:00.001-08:00

While you're drinking your eggnog, while you're cooking your ham or turkey, while you're opening your presents:

remember those who are on the street tonight
remember those who are scared for their or their children's life
remember those who are in the hospital, scared to die
remember those who are being abused right now
remember those who are fighting for nothing, away from home

Remember - all year round.

The Most Hated Family in America

2007-11-28T23:36:00.000-08:00

“Gramps” is the name he is known by in his family.

“Preacher” is the title in front of his name.

Fred Phelps and his extended family of at least 13 children and several more grandchildren, are known more often as “The Most Hated Family in America.” This title was recently given to them by the documentary maker Louis Theroux, in his documentary which I happen to catch last night.

I have seen a similar documentary by Mr. Theroux in the past months, a documentary about the white supremacy pop group, Prussian Blue. I enjoy his documentaries because he doesn’t try to sensationalize or demonize these people – but show their human sides.

Sadly, it is hard at times.

Fred Phelps is the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church and the infamous website “Godhatesfags.com”. Gone is the front page of how many days that Matthew Shepard, a young gay man who was slain because of his sexuality, has been “burning in Hell.” Instead, a more professional website has appeared. With copyright notices, cartoon .jpgs, and even Flash animation, it almost seems as if the Phelps clan is legitimate in their views.

The idea behind their many ideologies about what their version of God “hates” or what God “blesses” includes a somewhat long list of things that they protest on several different occasions:

(hates) Homosexuals: this hatred by now can be associated with a number of groups who claim to be of the Christian religion. I can write an entire blog on the points of the Bible that supposedly support this state of mind as well as the misinterpreted terminology, but this is not that entry.

(bless) IEDs/dead soldiers: This is commonly associated with the picketing that happened at funerals for veterans or soldiers that have died in while in the service. The Phelps clan on the outside seem very “anti-war”, but claim that killing soldiers is “God’s will”. “Worshipping the dead” as they put it will lead you to Hell, when they claim you should be worshipping God. Why they bring out their signs about “fags” and “sodomites” is a more complicated question.

(hates) Sweden: according to their website, Sweden is doomed because of a “3 point agenda: 1) decriminalize sodomy, 2) add fags to the protected classes as victims like blacks, and 3) criminalize Gospel preaching against fags.”

(bless) Katrina/the Asian tsunami: they claim this is the “wrath of God”. Interestingly enough, other anti-homosexual preachers have tried to claim that Katrina was the wrath of God. However, seeing as the French Quarter where the “Southern Decadence” usually took place was virtually untouched , I see a flaw in this thinking.

The list goes on. However, I am an outsider to this church. I’ve never met Mr. Phelps, and while I have had the chance to counter-protests his protests, I think it would be better for my sanity to keep his face as an image on my flat screen monitor.

An interesting side to this man and this life is that written about by his son Mark Phelps, written in 1993, as a letter to the town of Topeka and northeast Kansas. While it is over 10 years old, it gives an insight to a man most people would violently attack than try to understand:

"Many people have been asking me, over the past several weeks, about my father. They want to know what I think about him and 'What is he really like?' People's interest in what I think baffles me, but after careful consideration, I decided to respond.

What is he like? Well, it's been 19 years since I left home, but his behavior still appears to be the same. He considers his environment to be against him without admitting, acknowledging or taking responsibility for how he contributes to that. He likes to show himself as being moral, pro-family, pro-Bible, but his actions just don't add up to that. I believe in God and the Bible, and my father's behavior doesn't fit the description of behavior that would show in the life of one who loves God; behavior characteristics such as Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control. Instead, my father's behavior characterizes, I believe, Hate, Outbursts of Wrath, Contention, Jealousy, Vengefulness, Misery, Harshness, and Selfish ambition. He mis-states the truth about his own behavior, about others, about the Bible, with apparent ease and regularity. He behaves with a viciousness the likes of which I have never seen. He accepts no genuine accountability in his life and is subject to no one. His lifestyle betrays the sacred trust of what a pastor, husband, father and grandfather should be. I suppose if a comparison were made between the life of Jesus Christ and my father, there would not be much to compare.

I also realize that my father is a very unstable person who is determined to hurt people. And because he is so bound to be hateful and hurtful, and because he's so untrustworthy, I believe it's a good idea to respond to him with caution much like the caution used when dealing with a rattlesnake or a mad dog. You see, the causes that he crusades for, including the Bible, are not the issue here. He simply wants to hate and to have a forum for his hate. If the causes he focuses on were the issue, that is, if they really meant something to him in his heart and he meant for the things he does to be for the good, his behavior would not be what it is. He would not betray his message with his behavior. But, when he needs to, to vent his hate, he readily goes outside the bounds of any previously stated 'value' or 'cause' he may have supported. He experiences no moral dilemma when it comes to doing what he wants to do. If it weren't the homosexuals, it would be something else.
Yet checks and balances on his behavior are appropriate, on the part of the community, in order to at least confine his destructive behaviors and to limit his influence. I believe that Topekans are making a good effort to try and stop him and should continue to do so. He can seem very intimidating. He can use foul language and come across with a booming voice to the community, but the truth is, like the Wizard of Oz, when Toto pulls the curtain back, instead of this big powerful individual, it's only a small, pathetic old man.

I feel sorry for my father as I would for anyone who displays this kind of hate and evil viciousness. These can only be the manifestations of tortured, injured and agonizing souls." - Mark Phelps

One thing that I have learned in my field is compassion. Compassion for others, and the need for compassion that others should feel for themselves. Religion has little to do with this need, in my case, but it is a way of life. I do not know how to be compassionate to the Westboro Baptist Church, since I know that if they are reading this, they are not feeling it for me. Instead, I’m sure that I will end up in their categories who is going to Hell for one of my many traits, memberships or choices. I am fine with this possibility which is almost a guarantee.

As an individual who tries to think with their brain and their heart, I want to understand what goes on in the minds of people like the Phelps clan. The problem is I cannot understand hate. I cannot understand, even looking from the perspective of a mental illness, the need to hate.

During Mr. Theroux’s documentary, a young lad who was in the picketing lines was hit in the head with a 44 oz. drink cup, full of soda. While you may not agree with these people, physical violence is not hindering their beliefs but excelling them.

So, my reader, what I ask of you is to try to have compassion for those you might hate. You do not have to like anyone. Everyone bleeds the same. You can call me a “liberal hippy” for what I write here. Do not mistake that when I see these people, I do not get red in anger. Do not mistake that I do not have fantasies of violence in my head.

Violence does not end violence. Hate does not stop hate. Only love does. I’m not saying to hug the Phelps family. But, there are other victims than just those who are being protested – but the ones who are doing the protesting.

Hello, hello - turn your radio on...

2007-11-15T23:07:00.000-08:00

This is the first post of the rest of my life.

For a little more background on me, I am not quite an official shrink - but I'm getting closer. Within a year and a half, I will hopefully have my Master's in Counseling Psychology. Even though my background is in traditional psychology, I started out as a dancer, musician and, ultimately, a writer. Before I entered college, I wrote poetry and mainly fiction. However, as academics took over my life, my writing was left to suffer.

I am trying to remedy that now, by tying in my research, my experience and my ideas.

Besides general psychology, I have studied hate crimes, subcultures, creative writing, dance, eating disorders, depression as well as other subjects.

Stay tuned...